-Beautiful Wounds-

Today is deer opener. I decided to grab a book from the shelf before heading out to the woods. I have been wanting to read Tortured for Christ for quite some time now, so I thought today was the day. I honesty didn't really intend to read very much of it. I figured I would get distracted by the hunt and not read more then a few pages, but it turned out the exact opposite. I sat down by a tree for a few minutes because I thought I heard some footsteps and twig snaps. As I began to read Richard Wurmbrand's story, I was so moved that I couldn't put it down. I had in fact become so engrossed in the story I had completely forgotten about the deer until I was started by it's presence only a short distance away. It was creeping up on me to check out what/who I was and I hadn't even noticed. It quickly ran off as soon as I looked up and met eye to eye with it. I began a quiet stalk, but shortly gave up because I wanted to get back to my book.
As I sat reading, my heart and soul were moved and stirred and I couldn't help but think "if this is all I get at the end of the weekend, the hunt was more productive than all the years past."
I am still only half way through this incredible story, but what I can say already is that Richard Wurmbrand knew what it meant to bear on his body the marks of Christ. He knew what it meant to lose his life in this world so he could find it. He tasted death in this life so that he might taste the everlasting joys to come. He got it. He loved Christ. He loved the gospel.
I am under some heavy conviction- it's good. Really good. I have been lavished with grace. I don't ever again want to complain about missing Taylor in a self-centered/self-pity kind of way. What kindness and rich blessing God has bestowed on me. I know nothing of suffering. I know nothing of the wounds of Christ. I want to be as closely knit and united with Christ as I possibly can be, and if this will come through being united with Him in his sufferings, I know and trust God will be enough. God will strengthen. God will uphold. And not for a moment will He let His righteous right hand fall. Not for a moment will He allow our branch to be removed and separated from the Vine. Not for a moment will He turn His back on His beloved-
I feel very sobered. I feel I will not be a the same after reading this book- I pray I never am.

My Heart Aches with Joy.... A few shots from summer

I feel my heart swell with emotion when I look at these pictures and I have to just hold my breath for a second. How does God bless me so? How does He find it good to be so kind to me? This summer I felt my dreams came true. I had the privilege of going to Maine for 6 weeks and working at a Bible camp, and a then my summer ended with a most joyous visit to see my love. I come home and almost wonder if it's true. It feels like it could be one big spectacular day-dream.... but it's not- it's real. It's my life. It's God's grace.

My heart does ache to be with Taylor. But it's a joyous aching. I feel growing in me a longing for forever. I long for an end to this season of "hello's" and "goodbyes," and many months in between. Somehow I never get used to those moments following our goodbye- to watch him turn around and walk away and realize that I don't get to go with him pulls at my heart unlike anything I have ever felt. I cling to those last seconds of watching him before he disappears into the crowd at the airport. Yet, I believe it's these very things that I long to end that make up a part of the beauty and depth of my love for him. I know these are the faint whispers of what my heart was created to long for- Indeed God set eternity in my heart

Everything Is Different

I started a new song one year ago at staff training for camp. The song was about how everything felt so different inside me, but on the outside it all looked the same. I was the same girl, working at the same camp, with many of the same friends, yet it all felt TOTALLY different. I felt like a new person after encountering God at M-dub. I felt like I had a new heart as love was beginning to form and grow inside. I felt new.

Now, one year later, it all feels new again. It all feels different. One year ago, my brother and I were both in fairly young relationships and enjoying the sweetness of falling in love. Now here we are, with only a few days before he is getting married to "his Naomi." My brother has forever been my "favorite person in the world," and best friend.

The Lord is so kind to me to let me say goodbye to my brother while standing beside my new best friend. I know it will be good. I am really excited to wave goodbye as they drive off for Alaska and start the greatest adventure of their life -

"Everything is different
Nothing feels the same
It's gloriously changed.

My heart sings a new song
I hum a different tune.
My heart sings of you.

Chorus:
Everything has changed,
nothing feels quite the same.
But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yes I wouldn't have it any other way.
Change you can stay.
Love remain.

Same frame, but with a new picture inside.
My heart is filled with light,
where love has come to life. "

Just a Random Post About Summer...

Ahh... it's summer... and it feels good:) I've found that working at an elementary school has brought back many things; the word "potty" has found its way into my vocabulary, "How many more minutes till recess?" still crosses my mind more often than you would think, and lastly the excitement of "Summer Vacation!" My student literally skipped and danced down the hallway the last week of school because of the mounting excitement for summer.
I prayed and asked the Lord to help me not hit the ever-talked about and expected stage of "Burn-Out." It was almost as if every teacher had an alarm clock go off on the last 3 weeks of school that signaled the beginning of the burn-out phase to start. I believe that with God's strength and grace it is possible to end stronger than we started. I prayed to this end and saw God accomplish this work in my life. It was such a good end. It felt like crossing a finish line that we had been running towards all year. It felt good.
Since school ended, God has blessed me with times of rest, refreshment, and renewal.
I'm thankful.

Also...a side note, but not really a side note at all, more like a headline- a save the best for last kinda thing-
The one I love is returning again! My heart is soaring with joy and excitement. Has summer ever tasted so sweet?

Ocean In My Soul

I don't anticipate this post being very long. I feel I cannot even speak, let alone write. You know when you just have those moments where it's not even worth trying to explain, or trying to thank the Lord, or trying to praise Him with the right words, because it will always come up short of what you feel inside. I'm having one of those moments. I feel so aware of God's kindness to me. I feel so blanketed in His love and grace.

Though silence is all
that can escape from my lips,
my heart is still searching
for some words
some way
some song
that could begin to describe
the ocean of praise rising inside
my soul

Deeply I know
that you love me
Deeply I feel your grace
I wish I could find just one word
to tell you
of the the river of adoration
cascading from soul

Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow
Praise Him All Creatures Here Below

Break Me Into Pieces and Tear Me Apart...

We took a walk to the Kettle last night. It was a nice walk and was good time spent together as a family. As we were looking at our always changing river, I thought of how different the river looked now than it had a week ago when it was one frozen mass. It looked much "nicer," and "neater," when it was frozen and smoothed over. Now it was chunks, clumps, and a whole bunch of broken pieces.

In brokenness there is movement.

Immediately this image and phrase spoke to my heart and I thought of how so often that's what the Lord's work looks like. When the beatitudes are true in my life, and I am poor in spirit, humble, meek, etc... often I feel like this river- torn apart. It doesn't usually look good or feel good, but there is movement. Finally there is headway being made. May we be set free and loosed to rush onward to the destination we are longing to go: the ocean.
God, take me to your ocean. Take me to your depths.
If it must be, then tear me apart, but do whatever it takes to get this stubborn will to flow in submission and obedience to you.
Bring me to You.